Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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