you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
