Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
