i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
