my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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