How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
