Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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