At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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