If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
