around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
