Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
