Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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