I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
