Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
