Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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