I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
