it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
