That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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