wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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