She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
