you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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