I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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