Barsexuality is the new black.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
