i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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