just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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