look no pants
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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