I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
