I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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