So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
