I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
