Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
