My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
