Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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