dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
