Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
