I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
