If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
