Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
