Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
