I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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