I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
