i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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