Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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