I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
