Where are you?
In a non slutty way
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
