Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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