I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
