she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
