theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
