I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Randomize
