lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
