Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
