your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
